Linda Melone
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5 Ways to stay positive when it seems impossible

I was banished from a Facebook group last week. Shunned, ostracized, voted off the island.

That’s never happened to me, and I honestly still have no idea why. In fact, I assumed the group had dissolved, because why else would I not be able to sign in?

Yup, color me naive.

I’d just joined the group the day  before.  I introduced myself and made one post that got a lot of positive feedback. I went back to respond to someone the next day and couldn’t find it.

Odd.

I figured the site was down. Went back later and could not find a trace of the group or any of my responses on my timeline.

I tried logging on through various devices and then it hit me: I’ve been kicked out and told, “Don’t let the screen door hit you on your way out.”

To verify it — because honestly, I still don’t get it — I asked my husband to see if he could find the group. He could, but my post was nowhere to be found.

I felt as if I was in some weird sci-fi movie where my entire existence was erased with the click of a button.

I run a Facebook group myself (check it out HERE) and nearly always give a warning before kicking someone out unless the person is obviously argumentative, hawking a bogus product/supplement or otherwise harshing the group’s mellow.

In my case, I got no warning. Nothing.

Add this event to my growing dislike of Facebook, along too many political posts and random “shaming” rants about everything.

To read my blog, it may sound as if I’m a laugh-a-minute, and I am in the right circumstances.

But I admit, when something like this happens I run through what I call my trifecta of disfunction: ruminate, obsess, and overanalyze. Repeat.

In the end, I exhaust myself enough to move on. 

Normally (e.g. when I’m in my right mind), I try to find the silver lining in every seemingly bad situation, because it’s not good on any level to dwell on the negative, both from a physical and psychological standpoint.

In fact, a number of studies show lower rates of all kinds of nasty things like cancer and, well, death, among optimistic people.

There’s a reason to turn that frown upside down.

Plus, upbeat people also have better heart health and stronger immune functions. It’s most important as we age (not that any of us Ageless women are getting older…) –  people recover more quickly from disabilities than those who think negatively.

Makes total sense.

Plus, you’re way more pleasant to be around.

Here are a few quick tips on how you can train yourself to see things in a more positive light and, possibly, even live longer…

1. See yourself as being in control

Science shows we feel better about ourselves in situations where we’re in control. For this reason I advocate setting goals you can control so they don’t set you up for a bad day. For example, instead of setting a weight loss goal, which can vary, declare to do X number of workouts at X o’clock on X days. YOU control whether or not you do the deed.

2. Fake it ‘til you make it

Smile, even when you don’t feel it. Sounds silly, but smiling is shown to trigger positive feelings even when you’re not in a smiley mood. Try making yourself smile the next time you’re feeling down and you may find it helps.

3. Avoid comparing yourself

I’m guilty of this at times. We tend to look at others who’ve accomplished more, have more money, are prettier, thinner, etc. And honestly, I blame social networks for amplifying this smoke screen to reality.  Instead, look at what you’ve accomplished, focus on your talents and positive traits and be grateful for all you have that makes you special.

4. Talk a good game

Along with thinking more positively, learn to talk in ways that turn it around – like I’m doing with this post. I initially hesitated to start it out as I did, but I knew it would help me turn it around to write about it. In daily events, saying something like, “I’m disappointed I didn’t get that job, but I learned XYZ.” It’s all how you spin it.

5. Get out

Out in nature, that is. Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need to feel better. Plus, studies show walking in the woods, a concept called “forest bathing,” eases stress and produces a host of other health benefits. Breathe in, breathe out…

YOUR TURN… What works to help you feel better on down days? Let me know in the comment below…

By the way, speaking of feeling better… Do you know I now have a monthly program for Ageless Women called the Ageless Army? It’s brand new, and I will be rapidly adding new content weekly… helpful PDFs, exercise videos, mini workouts, interviews with experts and MORE. For details check it out HERE.

Other posts you may enjoy:

4 Ways to think younger and live longer

5 Morning routines to help you seize the day

How to flip a switch so you crave exercise (based on science!)

Your Ageless Body Coach,

About the Author Linda Melone

Linda Melone is a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist, certified trainer and award-winning health and fitness writer. She specializes in helping women over 50 get in shape and lose weight.

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Leave a Comment:

Dr Heike Franz says

Dear Linda,

I feel with you….and although we should not take it personal, I feel kind of rejected. And it can screw up my day.
The good news: after this happened a few times (being removed from groups, or friends who no longer are my friends), I decided to see the bright side: if they do not want to listen to what I can contribute, why should I waste my time?
And I also start to dislike Facebook, for various reasons. It seems to bring out the worst of people’s character. There are a few topics, that get always out of hand and nutrition and diet is one of them. There is a German Facebook group for people who want to lose weight, no matter how (that is explicitly stated in the group’s name). I joined the group and left 2 days later….it was terrible, lots of nonsense, dangerous advice, bullying and bashing other members. I am too old (58) to take this s**t . We really do not need this!
I enjoy being in your group, so please hang on in!

Reply
    Linda Melone says

    Thanks, Dr. Franz! I agree. When my husband went on the group to “verify” I’d been booted out, he read some of the comments and said, “Some of this is really nasty. Why would you even want to be associated with these people?” He made me realize I’m better off.

    Reply
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