I was banished from a Facebook group last week. Shunned, ostracized, voted off the island.
That’s never happened to me, and I honestly still have no idea why. In fact, I assumed the group had dissolved, because why else would I not be able to sign in?
Yup, color me naive.
I’d just joined the group the day before. I introduced myself and made one post that got a lot of positive feedback. I went back to respond to someone the next day and couldn’t find it.
I figured the site was down. Went back later and could not find a trace of the group or any of my responses on my timeline.
I tried logging on through various devices and then it hit me: I’ve been kicked out and told, “Don’t let the screen door hit you on your way out.”
To verify it — because honestly, I still don’t get it — I asked my husband to see if he could find the group. He could, but my post was nowhere to be found.
I felt as if I was in some weird sci-fi movie where my entire existence was erased with the click of a button.
I run a Facebook group myself (check it out HERE) and nearly always give a warning before kicking someone out unless the person is obviously argumentative, hawking a bogus product/supplement or otherwise harshing the group’s mellow.
In my case, I got no warning. Nothing.
Add this event to my growing dislike of Facebook, along too many political posts and random “shaming” rants about everything.
To read my blog, it may sound as if I’m a laugh-a-minute, and I am in the right circumstances.
But I admit, when something like this happens I run through what I call my trifecta of disfunction: ruminate, obsess, and overanalyze. Repeat.
In the end, I exhaust myself enough to move on.
Normally (e.g. when I’m in my right mind), I try to find the silver lining in every seemingly bad situation, because it’s not good on any level to dwell on the negative, both from a physical and psychological standpoint.
In fact, a number of studies show lower rates of all kinds of nasty things like cancer and, well, death, among optimistic people.
There’s a reason to turn that frown upside down.
Plus, upbeat people also have better heart health and stronger immune functions. It’s most important as we age (not that any of us Ageless women are getting older…) – people recover more quickly from disabilities than those who think negatively.
Makes total sense.
Plus, you’re way more pleasant to be around.
Here are a few quick tips on how you can train yourself to see things in a more positive light and, possibly, even live longer…
Science shows we feel better about ourselves in situations where we’re in control. For this reason I advocate setting goals you can control so they don’t set you up for a bad day. For example, instead of setting a weight loss goal, which can vary, declare to do X number of workouts at X o’clock on X days. YOU control whether or not you do the deed.
Smile, even when you don’t feel it. Sounds silly, but smiling is shown to trigger positive feelings even when you’re not in a smiley mood. Try making yourself smile the next time you’re feeling down and you may find it helps.
I’m guilty of this at times. We tend to look at others who’ve accomplished more, have more money, are prettier, thinner, etc. And honestly, I blame social networks for amplifying this smoke screen to reality. Instead, look at what you’ve accomplished, focus on your talents and positive traits and be grateful for all you have that makes you special.
Along with thinking more positively, learn to talk in ways that turn it around – like I’m doing with this post. I initially hesitated to start it out as I did, but I knew it would help me turn it around to write about it. In daily events, saying something like, “I’m disappointed I didn’t get that job, but I learned XYZ.” It’s all how you spin it.
Out in nature, that is. Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need to feel better. Plus, studies show walking in the woods, a concept called “forest bathing,” eases stress and produces a host of other health benefits. Breathe in, breathe out…
YOUR TURN… What works to help you feel better on down days? Let me know in the comment below…
By the way, speaking of feeling better… Do you know I now have a monthly program for Ageless Women called the Ageless Army? It’s brand new, and I will be rapidly adding new content weekly… helpful PDFs, exercise videos, mini workouts, interviews with experts and MORE. For details check it out HERE.
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Linda Melone is a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist, certified trainer and award-winning health and fitness writer. She specializes in helping women over 50 get in shape and lose weight.